Tales From The Middle Of Nowhere (Vol.2)

Yes comrades.

So, the festival in Oslo was a bit weird. It took place at a ski-jumping . . . thing (not sure what the correct term is) . . . at the top of a mountain. Freezing cold and in thick fog. A bit miserable. That bird Rhianna was headlining. I'm told she had an entourage of 100 people!!! ONE HUNDRED!!!!! I've got (a quite pathetic) 11.

Not sure the young 'uns down the front appreciated a bit of the old rock 'n' folk. They didn't look too happy anyway. All that being said it was ANOTHER great gig! What's that now? 5 in a row? The record books are being ripped up here!

Back down the hill in the town there was what seemed like another festival of sorts going on in the park in the main square. A free one I think. I could hear it from my room. A bit cabaret. It sounded like a load of local bands doing covers. All good clean fun.

Anyway . . . after going for what was quite frankly the most APPALLING Chinese I think I've ever had I tried to get my head down. The town was a bit rowdy though. I think the free festival thing must've had a late licence. Funny thing is . . . at about 2am I was woken by the noise coming from the park. Over the PA and as clear as night I could hear someone doing an acoustic cover of "Don't Look Back In Anger"!!!! I kid you not (the bastards murdered it by the way!).

ONWARDS.

GD.

Comrades . . . this will be a long one.

So, the last time we spoke was when? 2 weeks ago? Must have been? Was it? Hang on . . . let me check . . . that's right . . . it was the night before the festival in Belgium. OK . . . right I'll get my thinking cap on and give you the lo-down (as best I can anyway!).

So . . . I remember the festival being quite a big one. Massive crowd. Big guns headlining. Think it was them Red Hot Chilli Peppers on my night (yes it was!). The show itself was OK. Not bad. It certainly broke the run of amazing shows that's for sure. The best thing about it was I was introduced onstage by Vincent Kompany, Manchester City's captain. He's from Brussels see? And me and him were going to do the launch of the new Manchester City kits for next season. Both of these occurrences were a true honour. Vinnie's a top boy. Might actually be the coolest lad on the planet. We hung out after the show and watched the Euro Championship final. Happy days!!

The next day I had to be up early to do the football kit thing. Hadn't actually gone to bed 'till 4am so I wasn't feeling (or looking!) the best. Vinnie on the other hand had managed an early night and turned up looking like the super-cool, well oiled athlete he is. I on the other hand stunk of cig's and alcohol looking every bit like the 45yr old father of 3 that I am. Not good. Not good at all. In all my time in this game that might have been the single most difficult thing I've ever had to do.

At one point I think I was sweating pure alcohol. Imagine doing that while one of your heroes looks down on you and asks if you're alright, while a photographer snaps away asking you if "you could just get a bit closer?" Did it though and the kit looks the bollocks.

So, after that I remember we flew to Montreux in Switzerland for a show at the "Montreux Jazz Festival"!! That's right, you heard . . . "the Montreux JAZZ Festival". Not sure what I was doing there but a gig's a gig and what a gig!! A right good laugh and all. And I got presented (on stage which was a bit weird) with a very expensive watch by the founder of the festival Mr. Claude Nobs (pronounced CLOUD NEBZ). Worth €3000!! Or so he informed the audience anyway. Thanks very much Mr.Nobs . . . just what I've always wanted . . . my very own jazz watch!!

After that we drove overnight to Milan. I love Milan and Italy in general. Weather was mad hot. Must've been nearly 100 onstage!! Not as hot as Coachella but proper sizzling all the same. Show was alright. Nothing more, nothing less. I remember being taken out for dinner after to some swanky footballery type gaff. Very nice it was too . . . Beckham used to go there I'm told.

So . . . after that would have been T In the Park? Yes, I think so!! Horrific weather. Dark black clouds. Torrential rain, rain, rain. Mud every-fucking-where. Horrible . . . and that was just BACKSTAGE!!! Lord only knows what it was like out front? Still (and this is truly amazing) it never spoiled the atmosphere. The crowd up there are something else. Unbelievable behaviour. Well done!

We had a great show bar a couple of hic-ups here and there but we smashed it!! We were on before the Stone Roses. It was great to see them AND to see them enjoying themselves. A great night all round.

After that we flew to Birmingham to do a little acoustic gig for that radio station Kerrang!! That's right, you heard. A heavy metal radio station. Don't ask . . . I didn't. It was good though.

So . . . after that we flew here to the south of France. Fucking plane was full of young people (off on their holidays one would imagine). Giggling girls and boys with sideways haircuts and girls jeans on . . . that's what it looked like to me anyway.

I think that's about it. Got a festival tonight. A big one . . . it must be big 'cause the mighty Franz Ferdinand are headlining!! What was that?? Of course they're still going!!!!

ONWARDS.

GD.

OK comrades. I don't have much time. Long time? Just can't seem to keep up during festival season. Too much going on. Here goes anyway . . .

So let's go back to what seems a lifetime ago now to the south of France. Can't remember the actual town/city I was in but it was beautiful. Blistering sunshine. Might have actually got a little bit sunburned!! Always a good look eh?

So the gig was going really, really, well, it was actually shaping up to be one of the greatest when right at the end of the 4th song . . . DREAM ON I believe . . . BANG the power went!! Stage in full darkness . . . total silence!! It took 20 minutes to get things up and running again and by that time the moment had passed so to speak. Shame, it really was gonna be a good 'un. Still the mighty Franz Ferdinand were on next (yes you cheeky fuckers they ACTUALLY ARE still going!). So I'm sure they brought proceedings to an adequate close.

Next up was Berne in Switzerland. Truly stunning city. I kid you not it has a river running through it and the water is BLUE...ACTUALLY FUCKING BLUE!!!!!!!! Unbelievable. Bought a lovely pair of shoes too. The festival is a good 'un. Done it many times. Up the top of a mountain. I was on first though . . . FIRST!!!! The actual first person onstage was me!!! Last time I played there I HEADLINED it!! Fame is a cruel mistress comrades. It was like playing at breakfast. Bizarre. We did great though. Enjoyed it.

So, after that I think we drove back to France, to Lyon to be exact. I remember on the drive there we watched that film PULP FICTION. My other guitarist - who's name escapes me now - had never seen it . . . NEVER SEEN PULP FICTION? Like..fuck me!!! Unbelievable.

Lyon was great. Pissed down the minute we got there. It was warm rain though. The wind got blowing in such a way that by the time we took the stage it was raining onstage . . . raining onstage? Another first. The gig was a blinder though. Really, really good.

So . . . then . . . on to Benicassim. If you've never been to Beni' then you really should try and get there. If only for the weather. Beautiful. It was my 100th show as a solo artist thing and I have to say it was definitely the best gig of the tour no question, but I tell you this, it might well have been one of the best shows I've ever done, EVER. It was that good. If you are reading this and you happened to be in that crowd I thank you. You were immense. Truly special. You made it a great, great night. IZ'FUCKIN RIGHT!!!



I was on before the Stone Roses again. They also smashed it. Crushed it even. We partied hard. Seen the sun rise. A magical, magical night.



You currently find me in Edinburgh. Playing at the castle tonight. Then 8 days off!!!

I'm looking forward to some of that.

ONWARDS.

GD.

Yes comrades. . . been a long time. Been on my holidays see? Very nice it was too. Went to a place called Spain. Mallorca to be precise.

So . . . as I remember the last time we spoke I was just about to play at that Edinburgh Castle? The show was pretty good as I remember it. Didn't rain anyway which is always a bonus up in Scotland (which is where Edinburgh is!).

Now after that we had a few days off. Then flew to Japan for 72 hours to do that festival Fuji Rock. Very good it was too. It didn’t rain there either which might be the first year that's ever happened. Managed to stay on English time so didn't feel too bad at all. I almost enjoyed it!!!!

As I was sleeping all day and up all night I managed to catch that Olympic opening ceremony which was on Japanese tv at 6:00 in the morning. Very psychedelic. Didn't see it all mind. How long did it go on for? 9 hours or summat? Good though eh?

Arrived back in old England and because I'd stayed on UK time guess what? NO JET LAG!!!!!!!!! Unbelievable. I'm definitely trying that next time I'm over there (whenever that'll be I don't know!).

Anyway . . . after that me and Team NG legged it to Spain for a week or so. Needed it to be honest. Nowt like sitting in the sun. When we got back to old England we'd managed to blag some tickets to that last Saturday at the Olympic stadium. Now I've been to the biggest sporting events on the planet and I've done some monster shows but to be in that stadium and feel the noise and witness the fitness of the great Mo Farah was simply incredible. I have to say when the toffs what run our country started spouting waffle about the Olympics and how it would bring out the best in us blah, blah, blah I was - like most of us I expect – thinking "oh fuck off!" and I've never been one for that last night at the proms bollocks (it's the Celt in me see?) but I have to say they were right. You couldn't fail to be moved.

Saying that - thank God the football's back. I was up at the pre-season kickabout that is the Charity Shield between God's own team and some other mob called "Chelsea". We won. In style. Looked awesome. I'm very excited about the new season as this tour finishes in November, which means I'll get to see most of it!!!

Now . . . that brings me to Wednesday night. Did a little acoustic gig for that charity Warchild at that little club in Camden called Dingwalls. Great night. Rowdy as fuck. Could barely hear myself think!

Which brings me to today and the here and now. You find me in the great city of Vienna in the great nation of Austria. Back on the festival circuit. Not sure how any of the songs go now. I'll have to wing it.

Wish me luck.

ONWARDS.

GD.

Yes comrades.

Where we up to? Fuck knows, let me check . . . .

So, it would seem the last time we spoke I was getting ready for a festival in Vienna? It was good as I remember. Hadn't played for a while so I wasn't expecting much but it was pretty fucking good. Spoiled only by the death of one of my guitars. Well, it might not be actually dead but it was seriously maimed. A sad day. Rest in pieces my friend, I loved you very much.

After that we flew to Chelmsford for the 1st night of that V festival. Weather was great. Hot, hot, hot! That festival though (the Chelmsford end of it anyway) has become swamped with young boys in vests and silly hats. Big, big crowd though. Smashed it I think. Legged it pretty much straight off stage up to Manchester. 4 hours in the back of a car. It’s as grim as it get's let me tell you.

I was up in Manchester for no other reason than to see the new, and still defending, champions of England kick off the new season. Thank fuck it's back. Life is well shit without football. We won. Unconvincingly, if you ask me. Great game though. After that there was a mad dash to the northern end of V in Stafford. What a great gig!! Up there with Benni'. I'm sure it was the same crowd!! Big up if you was there!!!

So after that we flew to Belfast. A little festival. Good though. Rowdy as fuck. United lost!! We did laugh. Drove to Dublin straight after. Had 2 days off. Drank more than enough Guiness. Lovely.

Getting ready for a co-headline thing tonight in Marley Park with my old mates Kasabian. Haven't seen them for a while so I'm well looking forward to it. I lost the toss so I'm being put into bat first . . . so to speak. Got a day off tomorrow so it's bound to get messy.

Oh dear.

ONWARDS.

GD.