Coldplay: 1-4 "Imagine a sturdy, comfortable walking shoe (in focus-group tested shades of beige) gently tapping on a human face — forever."

Foo Fighters: 1-6 "My old position was eliminated and I am seeking employment. I have a strong knowledge of current trends in my industry."

REM: 1-3 "I can't hear you!" 4-8 "Yeah, you sound clearer now." 9-10 "I'm losing you." 11-13 "You're breaking up!" 14 "I heard you already."

The Smiths: 1-4 The revenge of a teenage boy who stared at the photos on his bedroom wall and hoped for a light that would never go out.

Jane's Addiction: 1 Drugs won't make you Lou Reed. 2 Big-ass riffing won't make you Led Zeppelin. 3 Persistence won't make you interesting.

The Kinks: 1-3 riffs (iconic); 4-8 songs (godlike); 9-14 concepts (turgid); 15-18 AOR (dull); 19-20 MTV (charming); 21-24 sunset (Waterloo).